"[Gaga Stigmata has] very modern, edgy photography to free flowing, urban narratives without censure to analytical essays, et cetera—like Gaga, imagination without ... limits. And the beauty is that anyone can submit work to the site, so artists and writers from all over the [world] have joined this experiment." -The Declaration.org

"Since March 2010, [Gaga Stigmata] has churned out the most intense ongoing critical conversation on [Lady Gaga]."
-Yale's The American Scholar

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Gaga Files

by Daniela Olszewska

A Note on the Text: The following files were recovered from the government archives of the former United States of America. They are believed to be the preliminary status reports on the alien-she super-hybrid known as Lady Gaga. Due to the poor condition of the documents, it is impossible to say for certain which filings belong to which government agency (Though the Drs. Hailey and Haberton insist that files 1 and 3 are the work of the same agency and that file 3 most likely predates file 1. Not surprisingly, Dr. Heathrowe disagrees with both of these assertions.). Suffice to say that Lady Gaga represented enough of a threat to the administrations responsible for monitoring fashion, gender, movement, and media norms to warrant extensive and covert investigation. While non-expert readers will surely find the terminology of these reports laughably outdated, we believe that this is a vital text as it exemplifies the assertion of ancient philosophers Max Horkheimer and Theodor Adorno that there is nothing left for the consumer to classify.

– Dr. J. Havinshaw, University of Interscope


Age: 3.1.4.

Gender: crotch

Phrenological type: chain bang

Eye color: reptilian

Hair kind: carnage-rolled

Mode of transportation: inflammable

Dialogue: snuff-film

Accessory: fuzzy dice

Color Coordinates: glitter

Fitness Level: barbedwire-core

Education Level: shimmy pop (class 1)

Fashion Rating: prisonista

Combat Rating: bitchfought; on-the-line tops

Community Involvement: blackbox


Age: ides of march

Gender: fluorescent

Clan: royale

Languages Spoken: face love, studded kiss (reading knowledge only), mediterranean

Astrological Sign: $$$

Alternate Astrological Sign: XXX

Talisman: disco stick

Position: go-to girl

Design: N/A

Virtue: cherry cherry boom boom

Vice: refresh button

Extra Features: trimmings and tipoffs

Sister-Self: rah-rah

Power Animal: fur-less, triple-limbed


Age: platinum

Gender: classical

Rank: jolt (level 2)

Thermal Image: little monster

Diet: dirty cream

Medication: horsepower

Preferred Bedding: burlesque-style

Incubation: name brand

Dystrophic Fantasy: mutants tap dancing to the best of broadway

Pre-Existing Conditions: retrograde

Manifestation: ugly disease

Progression: sequined gurneys

Hidden Talent: throwing her firearm

Complications: unpeeling


Age: aries

Gender: nipple parts

Height: metrical

Weight: atomic

Residence: haus of card games

Organ Donation: super throb

B-side: strobe light

Longitude: galactic

Latitude: mammalian

Time Zone: po-mo

Religious Affiliation: lower east side

Philosophical Affiliation: robotics

Moves: tore up like what

Fix: glam

Author Bio: Daniela Olszewska is the author of four chapbooks, including The Partial Autobiography of Jane Doe (Dancing Girl Press) and The Twelve Wives of Citizen Jane (Spooky Girlfriend Press). Her poems have appeared in recent issues of Conduit, No Tell Motel, and Absent Magazine. She is the current Poetry Editor of Black Warrior Review.

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