By Ben Fama
The world is on fire for you and for me. I’m already in love with you so that’s the way it’s gonna stay. I’ve dated several Stefani’s, one I fucked hundreds of times. What’s one more?
A friend sent me a present from Guyana. It’s a huge circular pin-on button of you. There is a small button on the back that you press and the nipples light up. The battery died though and now you have all the power again.
I believe you deserve to be happy and I think I really know you. I wanted to say I’m not mad you broke into my computer—which is illegal, I know you have problems, we all do—I just need my life back and for you to be happy because I do really think you are a beautiful person and you deserve it. Maybe it is best if we didn’t speak for awhile.
I just had an idea and couldn’t wait to tell you. Do you want to dress up as Juggaloes with me this Halloween. I think I’ll be in New York—my parents said I can borrow their car. Get in touch with me soon and let me know. I think you still have my personal information from my computer.
I want to confess something I am a little ashamed of. I was trying this week not to think of you but I saw a photo of you in a panther print bikini in a pool so last night I got in my parents pool (I wanted to feel close to you) and I rubbed a pool noodle and came inside the hole on the end. Like I said, I am not proud, I just thought maybe you would think it was funny.
I’m saying your name so you will know I am serious. I think I need space from this whole situation. Please do not try to contact me, and please stay off my computer. I use that for work and the thought you could be watching me causes me to have anxiety attacks. I still love you but I think for us the best thing to do is the hardest thing to do.